Courage

Courage is what it takes to be the one you are,
Courage is what it takes to accept defeat.
Courage is when you are with the person you love the most,
No matter what circumstances are, no matter what it costs.

Courage is to accept that you could be wrong,
Courage is to believe that God exists,
Even when you’re in the toughest of times, losing hope;
Courage is to say that you are sorry,
When you know it might not be alright,
Courage is to hold hands and say, I will always be there,
When you know there is not much time left,
Courage is to let things go and start anew,
No matter how hard it is, but you know there are promises to be kept.

Courage is to always love your love,
During fights, miserable times, and tears,
Courage is to never lose yourself, and be strong,
Courage is to smile, and sacrifice for your love,
Courage is to not have ego, when situations will try to make you rough,
Courage is to hug the one who has hurt you the most, when in pain
Courage is to keep trying even when you know, the trials are in vain.

Courage is to love someone and be always there,
Courage is not to make promises, but to keep them,
Courage is to not let go when it is the easiest,
Courage is all the above and more,
Courage is what I want and seek,
Courage is you O Lord!... and I pray for your blessings from the core.

Is it so hard?

All that i want is one call from you,
saying that you missed me, and everything that we dreamt will come true..

All that I want is a new beginning,with the man I fell in love with,
Which you are hiding within you.

What is it that's keeping you away?
I know these words are in vain,
I did all I could, and now I am broken,
Is it so hard for you to come and unbreak me?
Is it so hard for you to be the one I loved?

Unable to let it go..

A strange feeling inside..
Yeah.. Very strange. I don't want to believe in love,
Yet I find so much love inside me..
I loved you and I don't want to say how much coz you know..
And loving you made me love YOU more, made me love the world around me.
Now I have so much of love in me.. And I am unable to let it go..
I wanna find it's origin so that I can send it back there,
But I don't remember when, where and how it took birth,
Coz as far as I remember, I always loved you..
Since the day I was born!
This means that I will take this love to my grave..
Loving you is all I do,

But..

YOUR LOVE which I don't have, is all I want.. all I crave!

My fantasy world… a fairytale! It never existed…

I so much want to believe in the Cinderella story, the snow- white story, the little mermaid, the Anastacia, the princess & the frog… In all those stories where the girl meets her prince charming at end… and they lived HAPPILY EVERAFTER!
Happy ending… huh!!

I always wondered how can an end be happy? How can one so much believe that the prince and the girl would live happily… forever? Why do people write such stories which make one believe that all will be perfect and take them far away from the realities of life, blindfold them that they cannot see the practical aspects.
It’s all bullshit! Believe me. There is nothing called a perfect life. Hurt, pain, compromises, sacrifices are just a few realities which one needs to understand. Nothing is perfect, you have to fight to make it one.

A perfect couple is the one who understands the true meaning of being in a relation. They should know how and when to draw a line and how and to what give a priority. One of my professor said, ‘Live life like a child. Laugh like a child. Remember, career is a part of life; it’s not LIFE.’ and this is so true!

Till last month, I lived in a world of my own. My world, where whatever I dreamt turned into reality, where whatever I wished was granted. At least I thought it was, at least I thought it could. But then, it broke. It broke me into zillion pieces. The pieces which I know I will never be able to collect. It broke my faith in love. It broke my faith in faith! It left me shattered and dejected. And made me realise how dependent I became on love. I did not know how to control my emotions. I begged, I cried, I pleaded… I did everything I could. But nope… nothing happened! Sometimes you unknowingly, unintentionally create an illusion around you and think it to be in real. The illusion makes you believe in anything and everything. And then suddenly one fall breaks it all; you lose whatever beliefs you had. You become helpless. You blame life. You blame Almighty. You blame your fate.

I don’t believe in love anymore. I don’t believe that there is something called love. At least not for me. I don’t believe in fairy tales. I definitely don’t believe in happy endings!!

There is no one out there who can turn my dreams into reality, but me! But the dreams I had of a perfect relation and love, well, they don’t exist anymore. They don’t have a space in my life.

I went out for a walk in the evening thinking about what I was writing. I was thinking and smiling and frowning… all at one time. Yeah! Strange!

I was lost in my thoughts when I suddenly saw an old couple walking ahead of me, in their track pants, looking smart and contented with life. The lady was talking (as usual.. no offence to the girls, but we are like this..and we love ourselves for this!) and the sir was eagerly and passionately listening to her. It made my frown vanish and I stopped thinking whatever I was and just kept walking behind them, reducing my pace. I loved it. The smile on Sir’s face and the excitement on lady’s made me go awe. It was so perfect. After all these years, one could clearly see the love between them. The eagerness and the passion. The soul of the relation was still so young. I felt beautiful.

And sad. Coz this is what I had always dreamt. A life where my partner always wanted to hear me out. A relation where the soul was ever young and the passion never ending. A relation which gave me contentment and a peaceful sleep in the arms of my beloved. Like a fairy tale… I always wanted to ‘live happily ever after’.
But it all ended.

I have now grown out of pain. I have come into terms with the reality. And am not even trying to collect those broken pieces. Love is not made for me. So now I don’t have a world of fantasies and illusion. They were never meant to exist. I thought I will make my own fantasy world but I don’t have any strength left. Life is this!
Now my world has just me!

I hope it's not a goodbye!! :'(

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

Bible says,

Love is patient and kind,
it is never jealous,
love is never boastful or conceited,
it is never rude or selfish,
it does not take offence,
nor is it resentful.
Love takes no pleasure in others’ sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes.
Love does not come to an end. There are three things that last, faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love.

Am not broken, am not numb,
Am not tired, am not quiet,
Am too much in love, too much into you,
And am very much scared of not being with you.

Nothing can take you away from me,
You are here, within me,
The world is blind if it cannot see,
But who cares, I know you belong with me.

The truth is that its killing me, this life, this place,
It’s so barren, so pale, the air is so silent
It doesn’t touch me, it’s not passing through my hair
My heart is screaming, but my mind warns, ‘you dare!’

I promised to be strong, I promised to take care
I promised not to cry, at least make it rare,
But I didn’t promise to breathe, without you,
I didn’t promise to stop dreaming about you.

I remember your words, your promise that you’ll never leave
Your love is pure; it’s all what I have, all I believe,
It’s what I was born for,
It is what I am made for.

You are my umbilical to live,
You are the one I bow to,
Your love is my heartbeat,
Don’t let it stop; your love is what I need.

I don’t wanna be just a friend ,
No, it can’t, it cannot happen,
I want you, I want you to want me,
I want things to be back, I want you to be here,
I want you to hold my hand and say you’ll be there.

I want you to fall in love with me again,
I want to have you back in my life,
I want you to tell me, without me you can’t live!
I want you to say, you do love me.. you always did.

I still can’t believe that we stand on this turn,
The turn that life took all of a sudden,
I can’t believe that our grip was so weak,
We walk on the same road, not together, the nearness is bleak.. 

Time heals, but it erases as well,
You left, left me in tears,
Said that you’ll come, come back soon,
My wait has begun, my soul awaits from sun to moon.

I do not expect, I hope, all will be good,
But the fear deep inside kills, for the worst I am not prepared.
I hope the old times will be witnessed again,
With you I wanna live, live long and not die,
I hope all this is not real…
I HOPE IT’S NOT A GOODBYE!! :’(