Delhi.. New Delhi.. New? Really?????

I am about to turn 26. Just moved to the capital. My job makes sure am on the Delhi roads 70 percent of the time. But for the GPS I would have surely been a lost cow in the Sahara.

It was an official transfer so I did not have to fight to move in but yes some assurance was surely required.. my parents.. After all I am a girl and am moving to Delhi!

I will not deny that I was scared. I was. As soon as I posted on fb about my shift one of my friends commented, "Welcome to the crime city.' Friends and relatives started to share their numbers and addresses and never forgot to mention that how near do they stay to my place.. 'you know, just in case.'

First evening alone, I went to the India gate. I did not see any heroism. Nothing on those bricks. All I could relate it to was how this place has become a favorite for carrying out protests/ candle march against various law-related issues which are never dealt lawfully.

My mum needs an sms from me after I reach home.. every single day or else she won't sleep. My friends have asked me to keep their number on the speed dial. I am told to remember the women helpline number which is now mentioned behind all the autorickshaws and buses.

Well, on top of it I.. I myself am hesitant to travel but in the first two coaches of the metro.

A friend was over and we started to discuss cities where we had worked, lived or studied. And then he threw me the question which everyone casually asks me the first time- 'How are you finding Delhi?' and before I could answer, he himself replies to his question-' Delhi kaam karne ke liye achchi hai, but not for living..' Irony!..
We then spoke about the on-goings in and around and he happened to mention the book-fair at pragati maidan. I made a mental note to visit the place the next day and I did reach there late in the afternoon without much of a hassle. Thank Goodness for the technology.

I loved the smell of the books. Though I couldnt find what I was looking for, but for the first time I felt the difference of being in Delhi.

While in the shower back home, I recalled my history lessons of third or fourth grade. Recalled reading about Raja Ram MOhan Roy and the disgraceful sati pratha. And was wondering how far have we come from there.. have we?

Purani dilli has nayi sadak which sells all old and new books. right..? those old books do contain our history. Is it really different from our present.

Jessica Lal, Priyadarshini, Damini and thousand others.. How many candle marches and protests do we still need? Why are we so sure that unless we get down on the roads, nothing will be done against the criminals. Why do we have to always make colourful posters to make sure that the so called leaders will hear us?

Whys is every girl who wears hot pants or a short dress considered 'hot', 'wealthy', or 'available' and still every male wants his wife to be dressed up in the Indian attire but he himself can't stop gawing at the pictures of a freshers party at say a Sri Ram college or Gargi College?

First, the hypocrites kill girls (female foeticide) and decide their fate even before they breathe, and when the men: women ratio is imbalanced, they treat the 'weak' gender in the most horrifying way in order to satiate their mental disorder. And then again since the crime against women is manifold now, the people are again scared to have a girl. It's a bloody vicious circle.

Why the sale of a pepper spray has gone wild? Why is every mother now conscious of the clothes she buys for her daughter? Why is it such a surprise to know that a girl opts to stay alone.. and no where but in Delhi?

How new is this New Delhi..?? People still love the paranthe wali gali or the gol gappas here.

There is not much space to breathe in here. What is considered to be a posh area is decided by the parking space of more than two vehicles per family and few trees in an around.

Where are we moving to? What's so new about Delhi which is actually new, coz the 'new' to me isn't nice and fresh and you know.. New!

Serene..

Aaj Mann shaant hai.. Ye baarish ki boonde, Ye jheel ke kinare baithna, Ye tez hawain, Ehsaas dilati hain ki mere andar kitna sannata hai.. Shayad ek boond baarish ki meri palkon tak aakar ruk gayi.. Kyunki aaj Mann shaant hai.. Mann mein koi umeed nai hai, Kisika intezaar bhi nai, Ilm hai ki wo ab mera saath, mera ehsaas mehsoos nai karna chahte.. Janti hun ki ab wo baahein mujhe apne andar samana nahin chahti.. Mere andar kyun toofan nai hai.. Aaj Mann shaant hai.. Par.. ye kya.. ye kaise.. tut gaya badal.. baras padi.. baarish ki boondein..

A 25 day love story + two weeks of break-up!

This is a short story of how Perfect things in life never remain perfect. Because this world cannot witness perfect things, perfect situations, perfect people..perfect love. Because to them, ‘perfection’ doesn’t exist. It’s just a word in the dictionary which is impossible to subsist. But to me..they were perfect. See, the ‘perfection’ depends on a person’s perception. Maybe to you they weren’t; to others they were just another couple..but to me.. they were a perfect couple! A couple who were meant to be together, but they met in not a perfect situation as they call it. Well, it hurts a lot to see that they both are not together anymore, but I am sure, the love they shared will be with them all their life through. Coz I don’t think so they will ever be able to forget what they had between them. Let’s say it is simply difficult to forget your dream love! I had seen them. And all the while I used to think.. she is a lucky girl! But then I did find out that so was he.. But he truly, madly, deeply loved her! A short tale. The story begins when Ciara joined a new organization and Steve was there since sometime. He was little upset with life with nothing to look forward to and no spice in life. So here enters Ciara. And his eyes were just fixated on her (in his words). She never bothered to look. But then she could feel his eyes on her..and eventually she did start to take a notice of him. It became a routine. She got a reason to get up every morning and dress up. He got a reason to come to office and take coffee breaks. They looked, noticed but never acknowledged. Never. No initiatives were taken. Her best friend kept on telling her that maybe he is too shy. That she should start a conversation. But she did not. After 7 months she took her first initiative (will not mention the details). But nothing happened. She took another after two months. Nothing again. She took the third. Still nothing. And then alcohol helped and she took one biiig step. He melted. They started to talk, chat..and they realized how things were perfect. How they gelled. How they were made for each other. Then finally he asked her out on a date. As per what she told me..it wasn’t a lavish date.. no evening gowns, no candle light dinner, no beach. Plain simple beer date and a long drive. They instantly fell in love. Or no.. They held it back. For once they did not want to spoil it. Both of them had been with wrong people all along..and now they wanted to take it slow. They shared their first hug..first kiss on their first date.. in the night.. Near a water body. With breeze making her long hair blow over his skin. And well, they met. They met everyday. Be it coffee, ice cream, movie, drive, dining..they just met, talked, laughed, hugged, kissed, discussed, made love, explored more about each other.. and talked again. But they never said those three magical words ever. Coz he wanted it to be perfect. The way he had always planned to propose his dream girl. And she was ready to wait. Coz she knew she was his. And he was the one. And then they planned their perfect date (details to be kept private). Which did not happen because all of a sudden, the complications that they had been ignoring, just stood at their face. And they realized..that they will not be able to take it forward. Their love was so perfect that this perfection might hurt people they are close to. But then this wasn’t easy. They just couldn’t let go of each other. She told me she had lived her whole life in those 25 days. Her dream life. Though it was short lived but she loved it. And he knew, he will never be able to get a girl like her. He couldn’t lose her. But he just did. With two words, ‘I can’t!’..and her dreams were shattered. Their dreams were shattered. It took him two weeks to say this after he realized the practicalities of life. Their love was so perfect that, time stood against them. Situation stood against them and they had to give in. I spoke to her yesterday. She said, ‘I wish I could say that I still have hope. But you know, I am scared to have it. Tell me.. When one has already witnessed a perfect feeling..how can he/she settle for anything less than that..?’ I was stumped. She continued,’ I never got to know how easy my life could be with him around, but I do know how difficult it is without him. We don’t talk anymore. We are not in touch. I hope he is happy. And I hope he has forgotten me. Coz I don’t want him to feel the pain I feel everyday. I wish I could shut him out of my mind.. But if I sleep, I end up dreaming him, if I listen to some songs, the lyrics remind me of him..If I read a book, I remember how he asked me about my collection and monthly expenditure on my novels..if I write.. I remember how he wanted to read my diary.. If I cooked.. I remembered how much he wanted me to cook for him..If I went for a walk, I remember the long walks that we had..’ And she started to cry.. (ten minutes). We were sitting on the bench where they sat and he mentioned that he has fallen for her. She smiled and said.. ‘I can never stop loving him. I wish I could just get a hug from him. That’s it.!’.. She told me that she knows that the guy she loves doesn’t exist anymore. Coz he was crazy about her. He could never give up on her. Never. She knows it deep down that he will never come back for her.She knows that he is not the Steve she knew.. That her Steve doesn’t exist anymore. But then she also knows that he gave her everything she ever wanted.. and he did tell her to ‘hang in there’.. The story continues.. P.S.- I hope it continues .. just to end in another happily ever after. (I wish I wasn’t so influenced by Nicholas Sparks!.. I so much wanna believe that they will find out their ways to each other. Fingers crossed!:) )

Right from my heart..

Today, I sit.. on purpose.. wondering.. trying to figure out which dots are connecting to make a line.. and which to an exclamation. Dont you sometimes want to go back to that very moment which left an impact on you.. stand at that moment.. see yourself there.. get those feelings back.. feel those emotions again.. or simply look deep inside of you as to what was I thinking.. why.. how?? They say, there are either good souls or bad souls which come from the spirit world to the school called 'earth' to either turn into better souls or help their near- dear ones to become one. And it is upto you to improve. It is your inner strength and will power which can take you higher in the 7 realms. Your true self, your sub-consciousness which protects you from getting wrongly influenced. Aren't there a few people in your life, you find solace with. Few people you just stay connected with. Few people with whom you never ever have had a fight or argument. Few people who bring calmness into your life. Few people whose voice is the most serene sound. Few people who you know will never judge you. Few people who so much want to be with you and so do you.. and they just can't find the reason why. This is where the dots connect. Coz its just meant to be. Knowingly, unknowingly.. the turn of events bring you close. And then there are others with whom you give in your best of efforts to make things work. For the former, the dots connect to a resistance free, smooth line.. a straight line.. no curves.. no bends.. no angles at all.. and the line may continue in space. And with latter, its an exclamation! Connecting at the beginning and then just a dot which means the other one is no longer there. He/she has left in search of the line in space. There are a few people in my life who can comfort me by just crossing my mind. There is a constant power of understanding. A constant power of respect and affection. A constant power of holding on to. Who are just so ready to not make me realise.. but I just do.. It's like WOW!! It's like an effortless flow.. as if the line knows where it will be more than a line.. it knows where it is not even an iota near to the meaning of boundary.. where it does not define the end.. but shows the essence of continuity.

Dust and Lollipops!!

Amongst the dust that I play,
My mother so not aware,
I know I will grow up soon,
Carefree in my world, the one that I care..
But won’t it be fun, to lick a lollipop even then?
Will I earn one?
I fear of it being snatched..
I love this feeling, I hope it doesn’t detach..
Mommy will you be there, to keep me close ..?!
To love me more..
To get me another, or not..
Just stay in my sight,
Forever and for always..
I am yours, your little doll,
Please stay around, Hold me when I fall,
I will be a pretty girl soon,
Strong enough, won’t it be a boon..
Then we will go and buy lots of candies,
Both of us.. will eat in plenty..
Oh! Mother, I love you so
Our hand in hand, that’s my vow
Fairs and rides, life will be the best..
This phase will pass.. its just a test.


Photography by Amit Maindola.