Friday, October 22, 2010


Courage is what it takes to be the one you are,
Courage is what it takes to accept defeat.
Courage is when you are with the person you love the most,
No matter what circumstances are, no matter what it costs.

Courage is to accept that you could be wrong,
Courage is to believe that God exists,
Even when you’re in the toughest of times, losing hope;
Courage is to say that you are sorry,
When you know it might not be alright,
Courage is to hold hands and say, I will always be there,
When you know there is not much time left,
Courage is to let things go and start anew,
No matter how hard it is, but you know there are promises to be kept.

Courage is to always love your love,
During fights, miserable times, and tears,
Courage is to never lose yourself, and be strong,
Courage is to smile, and sacrifice for your love,
Courage is to not have ego, when situations will try to make you rough,
Courage is to hug the one who has hurt you the most, when in pain
Courage is to keep trying even when you know, the trials are in vain.

Courage is to love someone and be always there,
Courage is not to make promises, but to keep them,
Courage is to not let go when it is the easiest,
Courage is all the above and more,
Courage is what I want and seek,
Courage is you O Lord!... and I pray for your blessings from the core.

Is it so hard?

All that i want is one call from you,
saying that you missed me, and everything that we dreamt will come true..

All that I want is a new beginning,with the man I fell in love with,
Which you are hiding within you.

What is it that's keeping you away?
I know these words are in vain,
I did all I could, and now I am broken,
Is it so hard for you to come and unbreak me?
Is it so hard for you to be the one I loved?

Monday, October 18, 2010

Words.. that touched my soul..


These are the words which touched my soul and...

By the River Piedra i sat down and wept. The winter air chills the tears on my cheeks,and my tears fall into the cold waters that course past me. Somewhere, this river joins another river, then another, until-- far from my heart and sight-- all of them merge with the sea.
May my tears run just as far, that my love might never know that one day I cried for him.May my tears run just as far, that I might forget the River Piedra, the mists, and the paths we walked together.

I shall forget the roads, the mountains, and the fields of my dreams--the dreams that will never come true...

Unable to let it go..

A strange feeling inside..
Yeah.. Very strange. I don't want to believe in love,
Yet I find so much love inside me..
I loved you and I don't want to say how much coz you know..
And loving you made me love YOU more, made me love the world around me.
Now I have so much of love in me.. And I am unable to let it go..
I wanna find it's origin so that I can send it back there,
But I don't remember when, where and how it took birth,
Coz as far as I remember, I always loved you..
Since the day I was born!
This means that I will take this love to my grave..
Loving you is all I do,


YOUR LOVE which I don't have, is all I want.. all I crave!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

I had a wish...

I had a wish to lie in your arms,
On a cold winter night, feeling your warmth.
I had a wish that you would protect me,
From the storms of life, and never let go.
I had a wish to spend my whole life with you,
I had a wish that my wish would come true,
No matter whether its dusk or early morning dew.

I had a wish to play scrabble with you, each Saturday,
With a bowl of pop corns, and no worries whatsoever.
I had a wish to have a home, a dwelling of love,
Where one was always welcome, where the word ‘No’ did not exist.
I had a wish to be around you all the time,
I had a wish that my wish would come true,
Whether the sky is cloudy or is blue.

I had a wish that you will hold me,
Each time while crossing the road.
I had a wish that you will cross all the boundaries,
To be just there when I missed you, to give a hug.
I had a wish that my presence was all that you wanted,
I had a wish that my wish would come true,
But I didn’t know that the days of you and me… were just few!

I had a wish that you will love me, love me day and night,
That I got up to find you next to me, and in the night I slept with your breath beside.
I had a wish that after every fight, the silence would kill us,
Would make us run to each other and embrace.
I had a wish that Thee blesses us with endless trust and faith,
That there was no dearth of care.
I had a wish that you would understand my silence,
I had a wish that you would just come give me a hug... and say I am there..
I had a wish that my wish would come true,
But I did not know that you will simply deny to start anew.

I had a wish to be the only one for you,
With whom you would share your world.
I had a wish to make all your dreams into real,
And stand beside you as your strength, your pillar.
I had a wish that you would be mine forever,
I had a wish that you will unbreak my heart..
I had a wish that my wish would come true,
But it never will, it never can, coz I have lost hope that you will come back.. this is not false.. this is so true!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

My fantasy world… a fairytale! It never existed…

I so much want to believe in the Cinderella story, the snow- white story, the little mermaid, the Anastacia, the princess & the frog… In all those stories where the girl meets her prince charming at end… and they lived HAPPILY EVERAFTER!
Happy ending… huh!!

I always wondered how can an end be happy? How can one so much believe that the prince and the girl would live happily… forever? Why do people write such stories which make one believe that all will be perfect and take them far away from the realities of life, blindfold them that they cannot see the practical aspects.
It’s all bullshit! Believe me. There is nothing called a perfect life. Hurt, pain, compromises, sacrifices are just a few realities which one needs to understand. Nothing is perfect, you have to fight to make it one.

A perfect couple is the one who understands the true meaning of being in a relation. They should know how and when to draw a line and how and to what give a priority. One of my professor said, ‘Live life like a child. Laugh like a child. Remember, career is a part of life; it’s not LIFE.’ and this is so true!

Till last month, I lived in a world of my own. My world, where whatever I dreamt turned into reality, where whatever I wished was granted. At least I thought it was, at least I thought it could. But then, it broke. It broke me into zillion pieces. The pieces which I know I will never be able to collect. It broke my faith in love. It broke my faith in faith! It left me shattered and dejected. And made me realise how dependent I became on love. I did not know how to control my emotions. I begged, I cried, I pleaded… I did everything I could. But nope… nothing happened! Sometimes you unknowingly, unintentionally create an illusion around you and think it to be in real. The illusion makes you believe in anything and everything. And then suddenly one fall breaks it all; you lose whatever beliefs you had. You become helpless. You blame life. You blame Almighty. You blame your fate.

I don’t believe in love anymore. I don’t believe that there is something called love. At least not for me. I don’t believe in fairy tales. I definitely don’t believe in happy endings!!

There is no one out there who can turn my dreams into reality, but me! But the dreams I had of a perfect relation and love, well, they don’t exist anymore. They don’t have a space in my life.

I went out for a walk in the evening thinking about what I was writing. I was thinking and smiling and frowning… all at one time. Yeah! Strange!

I was lost in my thoughts when I suddenly saw an old couple walking ahead of me, in their track pants, looking smart and contented with life. The lady was talking (as usual.. no offence to the girls, but we are like this..and we love ourselves for this!) and the sir was eagerly and passionately listening to her. It made my frown vanish and I stopped thinking whatever I was and just kept walking behind them, reducing my pace. I loved it. The smile on Sir’s face and the excitement on lady’s made me go awe. It was so perfect. After all these years, one could clearly see the love between them. The eagerness and the passion. The soul of the relation was still so young. I felt beautiful.

And sad. Coz this is what I had always dreamt. A life where my partner always wanted to hear me out. A relation where the soul was ever young and the passion never ending. A relation which gave me contentment and a peaceful sleep in the arms of my beloved. Like a fairy tale… I always wanted to ‘live happily ever after’.
But it all ended.

I have now grown out of pain. I have come into terms with the reality. And am not even trying to collect those broken pieces. Love is not made for me. So now I don’t have a world of fantasies and illusion. They were never meant to exist. I thought I will make my own fantasy world but I don’t have any strength left. Life is this!
Now my world has just me!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

A prayer

Till last night…
I had a poem in my mind, a poem of my wishes
Till last night I wanted to write, but morning found me in blues,
I got up to find clouds, no sun; I could not find the dew.

O Lord! Tell me… Why do you see us in pain?
Why do I feel my emotions are running down the drain?
Why can’t love win, is it too hard to run through this lane?

I am surrounded by loneliness, am surrounded by hatred,
He is no more mine, do you even care?
I used to walk with a blindfold, as he held my hand to guide,
And now I walk alone, with darkness in front of my eyes,
I can’t see the light, how long is the tunnel?
I am losing hope, I am sick of the lies!

They say, how you can make someone so important,
That his absence, his dearth, gives agony?
O Lord! How can you not see what it feels inside?
When you don’t know what time will decide!

Am tired, shattered, drained,
I need strength, I need no pain,
Thee, please come to rescue,
I surrender my soul to you,
I need peace, I need solace,
I need serenity, I need to feel back what you took away,
Please fill this hollowness again,
Please take far away the pretence,
Either make me numb, O lord!
Or make me strong like a rock,
Emotionless, no feel, a dead heap of dust!
Let the zephyr blow me away, from this world to you…
Let me see the sun again, make me see the dew!

To be honest I don’t wanna feel that love again,
I don’t want to have a life again, if all it gives is heartache,
I don’t want him to come back, if he will leave again,
I am feeling so helpless; I am feeling so low,
Maa, why can’t you undo the sorrows?
Please hold me once and say that things will be alright,
Lord, please hug me once and tell me you are there,
I don’t wanna break, I mean it,
If your plans are to continue, then this must come to an end,
Stop! This must go, this soreness, nothing is worthy of,
Break the promises, break the rules,
Lord! For once please tell me, you will erase all the blues.

I am losing my belief in love, is there something in it called divine..
But that’s your presence, O lord!
If you exist there, then why didn’t I find you in here?
Or are you there, silent and quite, not making a move,
The ‘Us’ has changed to you and me,
Your blessings have been divided,
We stood together once, Now I stand alone,
With an empty heart, an empty soul,
Lord, help me to overcome this,
Help me recover from this, and so strongly that no one can,
Ever try to come again, Fill this emptiness with the faith I have in you,
No, Not with emotions, Just faith in you, I don’t want the love, I don’t want the pain,
I just want to surrender my soul to you.