Sunday, October 10, 2010
My fantasy world… a fairytale! It never existed…
I so much want to believe in the Cinderella story, the snow- white story, the little mermaid, the Anastacia, the princess & the frog… In all those stories where the girl meets her prince charming at end… and they lived HAPPILY EVERAFTER!
Happy ending… huh!!
I always wondered how can an end be happy? How can one so much believe that the prince and the girl would live happily… forever? Why do people write such stories which make one believe that all will be perfect and take them far away from the realities of life, blindfold them that they cannot see the practical aspects.
It’s all bullshit! Believe me. There is nothing called a perfect life. Hurt, pain, compromises, sacrifices are just a few realities which one needs to understand. Nothing is perfect, you have to fight to make it one.
A perfect couple is the one who understands the true meaning of being in a relation. They should know how and when to draw a line and how and to what give a priority. One of my professor said, ‘Live life like a child. Laugh like a child. Remember, career is a part of life; it’s not LIFE.’ and this is so true!
Till last month, I lived in a world of my own. My world, where whatever I dreamt turned into reality, where whatever I wished was granted. At least I thought it was, at least I thought it could. But then, it broke. It broke me into zillion pieces. The pieces which I know I will never be able to collect. It broke my faith in love. It broke my faith in faith! It left me shattered and dejected. And made me realise how dependent I became on love. I did not know how to control my emotions. I begged, I cried, I pleaded… I did everything I could. But nope… nothing happened! Sometimes you unknowingly, unintentionally create an illusion around you and think it to be in real. The illusion makes you believe in anything and everything. And then suddenly one fall breaks it all; you lose whatever beliefs you had. You become helpless. You blame life. You blame Almighty. You blame your fate.
I don’t believe in love anymore. I don’t believe that there is something called love. At least not for me. I don’t believe in fairy tales. I definitely don’t believe in happy endings!!
There is no one out there who can turn my dreams into reality, but me! But the dreams I had of a perfect relation and love, well, they don’t exist anymore. They don’t have a space in my life.
I went out for a walk in the evening thinking about what I was writing. I was thinking and smiling and frowning… all at one time. Yeah! Strange!
I was lost in my thoughts when I suddenly saw an old couple walking ahead of me, in their track pants, looking smart and contented with life. The lady was talking (as usual.. no offence to the girls, but we are like this..and we love ourselves for this!) and the sir was eagerly and passionately listening to her. It made my frown vanish and I stopped thinking whatever I was and just kept walking behind them, reducing my pace. I loved it. The smile on Sir’s face and the excitement on lady’s made me go awe. It was so perfect. After all these years, one could clearly see the love between them. The eagerness and the passion. The soul of the relation was still so young. I felt beautiful.
And sad. Coz this is what I had always dreamt. A life where my partner always wanted to hear me out. A relation where the soul was ever young and the passion never ending. A relation which gave me contentment and a peaceful sleep in the arms of my beloved. Like a fairy tale… I always wanted to ‘live happily ever after’.
But it all ended.
I have now grown out of pain. I have come into terms with the reality. And am not even trying to collect those broken pieces. Love is not made for me. So now I don’t have a world of fantasies and illusion. They were never meant to exist. I thought I will make my own fantasy world but I don’t have any strength left. Life is this!
Now my world has just me!