Conversation with Still No One!

When I asked him, he said,' I think, the absence of it.'

And then he sent me,

A part of me wished these lines were for me, but whom was I kidding? So I replied back,' Wow.. Some lines, Some girl and some craziness!' He never replied back.


She looked inside her heart,
Sitting on her thoughts, sipping on her dreams.. She realised who you are.
She realised you aren't that far.

Inside of you is a mystery,
There's a soul inside your story,
You are a book without the end, a road with a soft bend.
You are the splendour of that October Sky;
You are the auroral light of the winter.. the touch to the scared and tender.

He liked it.. The above lines. 'Some lines you've got there, poet.' 'From someone to you.',I said. 'That someone is a darling.' I smiled but I did not want him to make me feel this way. 'Am sure she would be.' I replied.

'I really want to meet your girl, without you around. Am sure she would be a poem herself. And then would know how in rhythm you would be when with her..'

'Haha.. That may take a lifetime.' He laughed.

'It won't. It won't. Take my word. I so wanna know her to imagine you going weak on your knees. I so wanna see her fiddle with her hair and the way her eyes sparkle when I mention your name. I so wanna see her go coy when I tell her how lucky you are to have her and she correcting me that it's she who is.
'I wanna know your lovestory.. I want to write it. I want to know that craving. That yearning. That madness. Everything. Every emotion I say that you don't have... I wanna feel them when I meet her.'

He interrupted my thoughts,'The confidence that you show in me about having a lovestory.' I could sense the quizzical charm in his tone but I had already reached a world he had not seen inside of me.

'I really want that craziness..the feel of pride in your eyes. Oh man! I want her to prove me wrong.'

'I so wanna feel that excruciating pain of rejection, and the sense of respect that I was right about the kind of girl you would meet.'
'I wanna cry my eyes out when I write your story, and then reach out to you through my book.I want you to read it out all loud to her in a room full of candles.'
'I want your lovestory to hurt me so bad, that I fall in love with the pain of losing every bit of me. Oh! I want her to be everything that I have imagined, and everything you haven't..
I want her to be your favorite wine,
I want her to be your favorite fragrance,
I want her to be your favorite song,
I want her to be your secret serene place,
I want her to be your adventure,
I want her to be your inner peace,
I want her to be those butterflies in your stomach,
I want her to be your confidence in your nervousness..
I want her to be your everything that your never thought of.

... And then I want her to be my last novel. Which took every bit of me to write.'

'Sneh. What's wrong?'

'Nothing.' I replied.

It's all about Perspective!

You can either love the rains in India, or worry about the traffic jams while returning back home that the rains must have caused (Delhi roads!). You can either embrace the lines on your face and smile on the experiences you have had or crib that you are getting old.

There is so much pain, inside us.. for what we have been through. Some harsh words said which keep rubbing their sharp edges across your memories, some unfulfilled expectations from your loved ones which may have broken your heart. We are living in the age where girls are capable of paying their own rents and bills. They are intellectual and witty. They are smart and intelligent. Hence what does a woman of today want from her man? I read an article somewhere sometime back which had a thought provoking angle to my question. The article threw back a question to the universe asking the man- what can he bring on the table? She wants him to be a notch better. She wants him to be intellectual so that she can have mentally stimulating conversations, she wants him to understand the meaning of integrity and loyalty, she wants him to be able to guide her, she wants him to be strong enough to give her comforting hugs and give her a world she can feel proud to be a part of. Yeah.. it's too much to ask for. But then, she deserves it too. She has no qualms in being submissive, but he has to be worthy of it. Her kids should be proud to have him as the head of the family.

Whatever I wrote above can be judged and misunderstood. Again, I ask.. why do you wanna judge? Isn't their enough of other emotions that you fight every day that you wish to add another one? Yes we humans tend to face and feel a lot of feelings due to the circumstances we face. Over a period of time, if we look back we know we are not the same person that we were years back. You are a different person. Same name, same face but different. Those wrinkles tell a beautiful story. Your story. The best seller. Be proud of that. And be kind. Yes.. be kind.

I couldn't resist noticing how much unkind we have become to each other. Forget BEING kind, the usage of the word itself is a mockery. It has completely lost it's meaning. Everybody goes through shit. There is nothing that your mind, courage and time can't heal. No matter how much you try you can never be somebody else's shoes. Never. You will never be able to experience the pain they might have felt or the love they might need or what miracle a hug can do them. Learn to understand human emotions. Learn to embrace pain and then heal it. Learn to love. Learn to be kind.

Yes there are people and things you do not wish to have in your life. Then don't. Don't let your mind push you to do somethings against your heart. That's where you destroy yourself. That's where you hurt yourself. That's where you kill yourself.

Don't hurt anyone unncessarily but if accepting the fact that things may be better after taking the step helps you to breathe easily.

Try looking at a more colourful picture. Try loving yourself again. Try living.

Because in the end, it's your take.. your perspective that can make you respect yourself back.

It's all about perspective.

Note 2:

He quietly envisages the next step.. The next preferred moment.
He hides his benevolent acts in his crackpot gestures.
He wants things to turn lighter, the moment he realises she might say something heavy.
He tries to hold her tight and also tries not to hold her long enough.

Note 1:

Even after so many years of different experiences, nothing brings me more peace than a cup of coffee, an awesome piece of lemon cake, a beautiful novel, a handmade paper diary and an ink pen!

Delhi.. New Delhi.. New? Really?????

I am about to turn 26. Just moved to the capital. My job makes sure am on the Delhi roads 70 percent of the time. But for the GPS I would have surely been a lost cow in the Sahara.

It was an official transfer so I did not have to fight to move in but yes some assurance was surely required.. my parents.. After all I am a girl and am moving to Delhi!

I will not deny that I was scared. I was. As soon as I posted on fb about my shift one of my friends commented, "Welcome to the crime city.' Friends and relatives started to share their numbers and addresses and never forgot to mention that how near do they stay to my place.. 'you know, just in case.'

First evening alone, I went to the India gate. I did not see any heroism. Nothing on those bricks. All I could relate it to was how this place has become a favorite for carrying out protests/ candle march against various law-related issues which are never dealt lawfully.

My mum needs an sms from me after I reach home.. every single day or else she won't sleep. My friends have asked me to keep their number on the speed dial. I am told to remember the women helpline number which is now mentioned behind all the autorickshaws and buses.

Well, on top of it I.. I myself am hesitant to travel but in the first two coaches of the metro.

A friend was over and we started to discuss cities where we had worked, lived or studied. And then he threw me the question which everyone casually asks me the first time- 'How are you finding Delhi?' and before I could answer, he himself replies to his question-' Delhi kaam karne ke liye achchi hai, but not for living..' Irony!..
We then spoke about the on-goings in and around and he happened to mention the book-fair at pragati maidan. I made a mental note to visit the place the next day and I did reach there late in the afternoon without much of a hassle. Thank Goodness for the technology.

I loved the smell of the books. Though I couldnt find what I was looking for, but for the first time I felt the difference of being in Delhi.

While in the shower back home, I recalled my history lessons of third or fourth grade. Recalled reading about Raja Ram MOhan Roy and the disgraceful sati pratha. And was wondering how far have we come from there.. have we?

Purani dilli has nayi sadak which sells all old and new books. right..? those old books do contain our history. Is it really different from our present.

Jessica Lal, Priyadarshini, Damini and thousand others.. How many candle marches and protests do we still need? Why are we so sure that unless we get down on the roads, nothing will be done against the criminals. Why do we have to always make colourful posters to make sure that the so called leaders will hear us?

Whys is every girl who wears hot pants or a short dress considered 'hot', 'wealthy', or 'available' and still every male wants his wife to be dressed up in the Indian attire but he himself can't stop gawing at the pictures of a freshers party at say a Sri Ram college or Gargi College?

First, the hypocrites kill girls (female foeticide) and decide their fate even before they breathe, and when the men: women ratio is imbalanced, they treat the 'weak' gender in the most horrifying way in order to satiate their mental disorder. And then again since the crime against women is manifold now, the people are again scared to have a girl. It's a bloody vicious circle.

Why the sale of a pepper spray has gone wild? Why is every mother now conscious of the clothes she buys for her daughter? Why is it such a surprise to know that a girl opts to stay alone.. and no where but in Delhi?

How new is this New Delhi..?? People still love the paranthe wali gali or the gol gappas here.

There is not much space to breathe in here. What is considered to be a posh area is decided by the parking space of more than two vehicles per family and few trees in an around.

Where are we moving to? What's so new about Delhi which is actually new, coz the 'new' to me isn't nice and fresh and you know.. New!