A big thanks..

To be honest.. things are not good.. Yes.. they have been keeping me sad.. and unwell as well (:P).. I had been lying to myself for such a long time.. Had been asking Almighty why me..?? My friends got sick of me.. I got sick of myself.. really.. the blues were just not ready to leave me.. or maybe, I was too blind to see that it was me who was holding them back.. and not letting them go..

But I don't know from where came a friend.. an old school friend.. actually two.. one from my second standard.. the other from my eight standard.. whose words worked as a miracle and made me realise that I had lost myself.. For no reason..They don't know me that well.. But then they know what I was.. and now what I am.. and I now could see the difference..

Thanks friends.. I know if my fantasy world doesn't exist.. I'll make one..!!

:)

I hope it's not a goodbye!! :'(

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

Bible says,

Love is patient and kind,
it is never jealous,
love is never boastful or conceited,
it is never rude or selfish,
it does not take offence,
nor is it resentful.
Love takes no pleasure in others’ sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes.
Love does not come to an end. There are three things that last, faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love.

Am not broken, am not numb,
Am not tired, am not quiet,
Am too much in love, too much into you,
And am very much scared of not being with you.

Nothing can take you away from me,
You are here, within me,
The world is blind if it cannot see,
But who cares, I know you belong with me.

The truth is that its killing me, this life, this place,
It’s so barren, so pale, the air is so silent
It doesn’t touch me, it’s not passing through my hair
My heart is screaming, but my mind warns, ‘you dare!’

I promised to be strong, I promised to take care
I promised not to cry, at least make it rare,
But I didn’t promise to breathe, without you,
I didn’t promise to stop dreaming about you.

I remember your words, your promise that you’ll never leave
Your love is pure; it’s all what I have, all I believe,
It’s what I was born for,
It is what I am made for.

You are my umbilical to live,
You are the one I bow to,
Your love is my heartbeat,
Don’t let it stop; your love is what I need.

I don’t wanna be just a friend ,
No, it can’t, it cannot happen,
I want you, I want you to want me,
I want things to be back, I want you to be here,
I want you to hold my hand and say you’ll be there.

I want you to fall in love with me again,
I want to have you back in my life,
I want you to tell me, without me you can’t live!
I want you to say, you do love me.. you always did.

I still can’t believe that we stand on this turn,
The turn that life took all of a sudden,
I can’t believe that our grip was so weak,
We walk on the same road, not together, the nearness is bleak.. 

Time heals, but it erases as well,
You left, left me in tears,
Said that you’ll come, come back soon,
My wait has begun, my soul awaits from sun to moon.

I do not expect, I hope, all will be good,
But the fear deep inside kills, for the worst I am not prepared.
I hope the old times will be witnessed again,
With you I wanna live, live long and not die,
I hope all this is not real…
I HOPE IT’S NOT A GOODBYE!! :’(

I had written this long back. Had posted this as well. But then deleted it. Then I realised that its all about feelings.A person has lots of ups and downs in his/her life. And he/she shouldn't be afraid of expressing the feelings they go through then. Coz though the life is long enough, we have very less time to express.:)

So here it goes...
Dated- 12 July,2010


Its gone..that feeling of curiosity, belongingness, togetherness, contentment is gone.. I have become so quiet all of a sudden. nothing feels bad. nothing feels good.. its so much better but its so much lonely. At least now I know what to expect from life. I can see myself alone.. but I guess I am comfortable like that now. I am much more like me when I am with me. I know what to expect from myself and what not to. At least if I expect from myself I am sure I will do anything to fulfill it.. Its much better than expecting from others and hurting yourself.. One really doesn't have the rights to simply ask other person to give him/her what he/she wants.. But i guess without it any relation will be empty and colourless.. well i am liking it this way now.. for the time being..
Coz i need to value my tears, I need to value myself now. I know what I go through and I know why I should be left alone..
I am not running away.. but I suddenly am not liking to talk or socialize. Its better that I stand alone at the edge of a cliff rather than having somebody by my side.. Coz There will be a constant fear that he/she may push me down!!

Hatred

Hatred is Hatred… you can’t help it!
When I say I hate that person,
I simply hate him…Just don’t question.
I hate him and that can’t be changed
I want his thoughts to be out.. to be drained!

Don’t tell me to ‘not to like him’,
I am sorry, I tried but couldn’t.
He has hurt me to the core and that is a fact
You still deny it, believe me, that is his tact.

One day I hope I’ll be free from all these crap,
I’ll be far away in my own land,
Happy and contented that I had a clear mind,
Maybe then you’ll see what it was meant to be,
Maybe then he’ll be doomed, since you’ll be with me.

Dusk to Dawn

I prayed the whole day,
I prayed the whole night,
I prayed the whole night and day,
For days together, to seek strength,
To seek the depth of reality,
To come out of the predicament of confusion,
To find what it felt like
To find how it feels..

I heard the sound of beats,
I saw the ray, sparkle.. that twinkle
I saw the radiance,
I tried to take the cognizance of what I saw and heard..
Is it an illusion, a conjuring trick?
I am not imbecile, I am a child, O Lord,
Who seeks a rejoinder, who wishes to come out of this riddle
The riddle which made me pray.. which was invincible!!

Alas! I could decipher the sound and the see,
I realised what the Lord wanted me to be,
I found the answers to what I asked,
It was ethereal, the touch but it was still masked..

I got an offer which I couldn’t repudiate,
I knew I was close, close enough
The radiance, the twinkle,
The joy that sprinkled
I found you in my prayers,
The answers to all my years.

The offer was to grow in your love,
To touch, to feel, to be free,
The riddle was solved, the tears were gone,
I know lie in your arms from dusk to dawn.